The grass is always greener on the other side

Sometimes you want to change something in your life: move to another city, country, change your job, occupation, hobby, religion. And at this moment someone appears who objects to such changes, arguing "the grass is always greener on the other side".

That is, for some reason, you are currently unhappy at the point where you are now, and if you move to another point, which seems better, then there you will ultimately feel bad too, and again you will want changes. Or you will return to where you were before, because it seemed okay there.

There is undoubtedly truth in this. A person is not a static creature, and staying in the same state for a long time makes him sad and vulnerable, so you want to change something from time to time.

The main point of these advisers is that radical changes are not necessary, and what you have planned is nonsense. Stay where you are, do what you have been doing for the last dozens of years, and everything will be fine. Everything is already good, and you are somehow sad. Accept it. You don’t need to move anywhere. It’s also bad there. You can't run away from your problems. Why bother at all?

In this approach, the current comfortable state can be said to be sacralized. After all, you once made a lot of effort to achieve what you have. And you are somehow not happy about this. You should be happy, don't stress.

And the crux of the matter is that there is no sacredness. You are not obliged to always be in the state in which you once came.

You are not obligated to work at a job into which you put a lot of time and effort. You are not obliged to live where you once wanted to live, and now you live there, but it's not so great anymore. You don't have to be ethical and right in everything because you were raised that way, loved ones invested in it for many years, but it turns out that it hurts you more than it helps.

Changing something is certainly difficult, and the advice "the grass is always greener on the other side" as if frees a person from these difficulties. Moreover, people convince themselves of this, each time catching themselves thinking "I'm so fed up with everything! I wanted to be a Formula-1 racer, not shuffle papers".

By the way, shuffling papers and sitting at a computer for 8-12 hours is the most unnatural activity for a person, which can quickly lead to deep depression. That's why a lot of people are on pills now: they help maintain a natural hormonal state under unnatural external conditions.

There are about two fundamental solutions here:

  1. Change things, stepping over fears. There are many fears, starting from the fear of upcoming difficulties, ending with "oh, what if it doesn't work out, and it will be so bad there that I will have to return back in disgrace?". There will be no disgrace. You can leave for a few years, return and live on. You can change your job and then go back to the previous one. You can create several families and change them every week. (Of course, if your means allow you to maintain all of them in plenty.)

    Well, there may be a lot of upcoming difficulties, yes. You will have to master something from scratch, build up some new social connections, do some things, brr. And you have to go through this, because only in this way can you gain strength, flexibility, and invulnerability. But without a reliable assistant, it can be very difficult, and if no one supports you, then you must either be internally very strong to go this way alone, or...

  2. Become a stoic! Stoicism is such a thing that helps to accept any situation and not worry about it.

    There is one hitch: you need to learn this thing for almost all your life. For a start, a couple of years of theory and cautious practice to lay the foundation for a change of thinking, well, and there is no upper limit to these terms. Life presents us with unpleasant surprises every day, and every time you will adjust behavior and internal sensations, and this is difficult.

    But you will always be satisfied with what you have. However, respected advisers will still annoy you with something, because it's always like this. But you can pass life decisions and radical changes through a dense stoic filter, getting something more rational and even socially acceptable.

    For example, if you are tired of your life, and suddenly decided that "screw it, I'll quit everything and go on carefree travels with my last savings", then thoughtful analysis of the situation may lead you to the fact that you are actually all in work and some unnecessary worries, and your family is somewhere in the last place, and most likely, to enrich your life with positive emotions, you should pay attention to the family and rebuild your life so as to be with them more often. So you bring benefits to both yourself and them, and the shuffling of very important papers will not go anywhere.

As you can see, in any case, something needs to be changed. Or remain unhappy. That's life.